32+ New Funny Christmas Quotes

Christmas is most truly Christmas when we celebrate it by giving the light of love to those who need it most. We are here to make your Christmas more joyful and memorable by collecting some funny Christmas quotes and funny Christmas wishes.

Here are some funny Christmas quotes and funny Xmas wishes for you. Wishing you a Very Happy Merry Christmas To you.

Funny Christmas Quotes:

 ”Christmas to a child is the first terrible proof that to travel hopefully is better than to arrive.” — Stephen Fry

 

Christmas isn't a season. It's a feeling." —Edna Ferber

 

Mentally I am ready for Christmas, financially I am not ready for Christmas.” – Author Unknown

 

"Next to a circus, there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit."Kin Hubbard

 

"My idea of Christmas, whether old-fashioned or modern, is very simple: loving others. Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?" – Bob Hope

 

funny Christmas quotes

Christmas is a magical time of year… I just watched all my money magically disappear.” – Author Unknown

 

"Christmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard."Andy Borowitz

I love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can’t wait to exchange.” — Henny Youngman

 

"May you never be too grown up to search the skies on Christmas Eve." Author Unknown

 

Nothing says holiday like a cheese log.” – Ellen DeGeneres

 

"The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear."Will Ferrell, "Elf"

 

"I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph." – Shirley Temple

 

Christmas is the season when you buy this year’s gifts with next year’s money.” – Author Unknown

 

funny Christmas quotes

"Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas."Kin Hubbard

 

Christmas is not a date. It is a state of mind." – Mary Ellen Chase

 

“Christmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help.” -Andy Borowitz

 

"I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph."Shirley Temple

 

"I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year." – Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol

 

Oh, for the good old days when people would stop Christmas shopping when they ran out of money.” – Author Unknown

 

“That’s the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.”Jerry Seinfeld

Funny Christmas Quotes To Write on Cards:

"Christmas is not a time nor a season, but a state of mind. To cherish peace and goodwill, to be plenteous in mercy, is to have the real spirit of Christmas." – Calvin Coolidge

 

Sending Christmas cards is a good way to let your friends and family know that you think they’re worth the price of a stamp.” – Melanie White

 

"The worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other."Johnny Carson

 

"Unless we make Christmas an occasion to share our blessings, all the snow in Alaska won't make it 'white'." – Bing Crosby

 

My husband’s idea of getting the Christmas spirit is to become Scrooge.”– Melanie White

 

"Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall."Larry Wilde

 

funny Christmas quotes

"No man is a failure who has friends." — It's a Wonderful Life

 

Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.” – Dave Barry

 

"There are three stages of man: he believes in Santa Claus; he does not believe in Santa Claus; he is Santa Claus."Bob Phillips

 

"God bless us, everyone!" — A Christmas Carol

 

“Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered. What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.” ~ Phyllis Diller

 

"Santa Claus had the right idea. Visit people only once a year."Victor Borge

 

"Our hearts grow tender with childhood memories and love of kindred, and we are better throughout the year for having, in spirit, become a child again at Christmastime." – Laura Ingalls Wilder

 

“I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, ‘So does the guy I stole it from.’” — David Letterman